Narcolepsy At Its Finest (with photos)

I don’t think there is a soul on this earth that isn’t aware of the fact that small kids have Narcolepsy. But it’s funny because (most of them) will out grow it. I mean, I’ve been playing hide and seek with a kid and then found them in there hiding place.. asleep.. and NO I did not take THAT long to find them. For reals. I wish I took pictures of all the weird places and positions my kids fell asleep. I don’t even have ALMOST all the pictures. BUT.. I do have a few.

This is my son Michael. He is 9 months old, and he is a total pro at this.

Yeah. He’s asleep.

He is sitting up.. and he was snoring too haha!

Big fat baby belly 🙂

And believe it or not, I DO have pictures of him awake..

See? (I was saying “Bookah bookah bookah!!”) at him in this picture.. So that’s his freaked out face lol

My daughter.. she ain’t no amateur at this shit either. When she’s tired, she means business.

Too much playground I guess!

After her second birthday party. I guess even the mass amounts of sugar she ate was no match for Child Narcolepsy..

In case you can’t tell.. she is sleeping on her legs. folded in half.

I turned around, turned the TV on and turned back around, and then this.

There you have it! the proof is in the puddin’ !! (I think this is the correct scenario to use that saying) and boy do I wish I could sleep like that! (Maybe that’s why it’s called “sleeping like a baby”?) Hm. Food for thought.

Parenting Moment #1

About a year ago, in the middle of winter, my husband, myself and our kids were on our way home. Probably an hour or away, my 1 1/2 year old daughter pooped like you would not believe. I mean this shit was visible through multiple layers and smelled really awful, (but when does it smell good, right?) Whatever. I take her into this public restroom, which, of course, has no changing table (why the hell would there be one anyway?) So I lay my coat down on the floor so she doesn’t have to lay on the cold, germ ridden, nastiness of a gas station floor. I find that her, ahem, feces, has oozed out into her stockings and onesie, which I ended up throwing away, you know, just to permanently stink up the bathroom. Her shirt and overalls, (which were adorable, mind you) although salvageable.. yeah.. not wearable. And who left all her clothes in the car? Yep. This mommy. Right here. So I strip her down and its EVERYWHERE.. I mean armpits to ankles. And boy let me tell you.. Poop.. spreads like poop. I have no choice.. I have to bathe her. Right there. In the sink. Of Cumberland Farms. So I plop my naked kid in it and rinse her off. I proceed to dry her with my sweater and dress her in my shirt. Yes. The only shirt I was wearing. I had to finish the ride home in a light, damp sweater and my kid had on a super cute “dress”.

Moral of the story.. Never expect anything “normal” when you have children. And don’t ever expect to make it back home in the same clothes you left in. Any of you.

I know I can’t be alone with this one! Feel free to share yours with me, too! Thanks 🙂

5 Things Only Mothers Will Understand

1. Not sleeping for 2 years

It could be longer. I don’t even know yet. I wouldn’t be that surprised if it’s never again to be honest. I mean at first it’s okay. For like 2 weeks your all like, “OMG why is everyone talking about being tired? I’m TOTES fine! Cuz I’m a badass who doesn’t need sleep,” Little did you know, 5 weeks from that moment, when you still haven’t slept for more than two consecutive hours.. you would be crying, yelling at your husband that he is the devil. Or that you would be “going to the bathroom” to catch a little shut eye on the toilet. Which is awesome because usually your quick naps happen unintentionally and while your standing up.

2. They need to eat. Every. Day.

It’s like, every morning you have to think of something for them to eat, AND it’s supposed to be HEALTHY (yeah right). To begin with you’re all gung-ho nutrition freak.. Until your kids get their grubby little fingers on cookies (thanks Nana). Then good luck getting that cute little nightmare to eat their veggies. And this struggle happens every day. MORE THAN ONCE.

3. Saggy boobs

You think you’re going to be okay. You think you’ll get away scott free. Well guess what? You wont. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Mine used to be the epitome of perky. Bra? Who needs those?? Oh wait. Me. I need them. Because my kids are boob-perk stealing little shits.

4. Not showering alone

The first few times its really cute (awww she want to shower like Mommy!) No. No she doesn’t. She wants to hold her little bathtub toy bucket against your leg to try and drink dirty-mommy water. She wants to crawl between your legs, REPEATEDLY, the entire time. She wants your shampoo bubbles. To eat them. Damn kid wont eat her f*ing strawberries but she’ll eat soap. Awesome.

5. They scream

Not in the beginning. But soon enough they will hit ear piercing levels you didn’t even know existed. And you rock, you sing, you snuggle, you feed, change, Tylenol, and cry back.. But they Just. Wont. Stop. You just need to put baby in his crib.. and go outside for some fresh air and a couple shots of whiskey. No I’m just kidding. You’ll need more than just a couple shots. Ha. Kidding again. Eventually you will learn what makes them stop. Tearing apart diaper bags. Dunking toilet paper rolls into the bathtub. Washing their hair in the toilet. Whatever. As long as their quiet. No, but not the toilet. That’s just gross.

Those of you non-parents.. enjoy this NOT happening to you. Shit f*ing sucks. But you get used to it, and learn to love it. Okay. Parts of it.