Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom : The Tanning Bed

I used to go tanning occasionally. I don’t anymore. Now I go all the time. (Shut up. I know it’s fucking bad for you, I’m not stupid)

Anyway. You know those stupid gold stickers they give you at the salon to cover your eyes? Yeah they end up looking like a weird-ass cone thing? They’re dumb. Whatever.

Yeah. These creepy ass things.

So. I used to do pretty much max time… Every time. Which was not often. Well. Apparently, tanning beds can give you a sunburn, (bedburn?) and I would get one every time. Like a dumbass. Especially in places the sun don’t shine.

Okay. I used to take those stupid pointless (shh, yeah, I know they have a purpose) stickers, and put them over my nips. YUP. My nipples. And they’re kinda sticky, so you can stand up and they will still be stuck to you (haha!) No. But seriously. Do you know how much sunburned nipples suck? No. You probably don’t. Because what kind of moron ACTUALLY gets burned nipples? I do. Okay? Me. And take it from me.. It fuckin’ blows. Or you can go and do it for yourself, you know, for shits and giggles. Let me know how that pans out for yah. No one wants burned nips. For real.

That’s not even all of it though..

I would totally dance around and pretend they were guns.. (think Austin Powers)

HA! I don’t fuck aroouuund! BAM. NO shame. I’m just glad they don’t have cameras in there.. and that I can keep my sound effects at a low volume lol.

#ownthatshit #doitup #confessions

Tell me if you guys have done something weird.. Seriously. Don’t leave me high and dry guys.

Thanks! 😀